Being Unlikeable
It’s 4 in the afternoon at a hostel cafe in a quiet, upper middle class neighborhood. My friend T was doing some remote work in the cafe earlier and she invited me for a cup of coffee. She introduced me to her blond-haired Danish “friend” (which is another word we all throw around for our casual entanglements) and her other friends — a skinny British guy and a gay Filipino. A mix of characters. The Danish is always making lighthearted jokes. The British guy is more quiet and observant. The Filipino too busy with his laptop to pay complete attention to the conversations going on.
After the formal introductions, T took me to a different table so we can focus on catching up. There we lamented on our year’s misfortunes and our lack of motivation to pursue our goals as aggressively as we had in the past. Being both pretty goal-oriented women, these topics are at the top tier of our areas of interest. Our conversation flowed from career, travel, content creation to random stuff. It was in one of the ebbs of this conversation flow that my friend and I talked about workplace politics. T said with a sparkle of amusement in her eyes, “I realized that wherever I go, if there’s a single person that everyone would say is a “difficult” person or that he or she has a bad attitude or a snob, I always find out later on that that person is the most sincere and friend-worthy of the lot.”
Upon hearing this, I felt even more sure that my friendship with T is one that has long-term potential because I echo the same thoughts. I have always disliked likeable characters, especially flatly likeable characters. Those who follow the rules and traditions without question. Even more, I dislike people who self-proclaim their individuality when in fact, they are as devoid of it as a starless night. For instance, there are people who believe that traveling and reading a self-help book or two makes them interesting. No, it doesn’t. What you realize from your travels and your readings matter more.
The lack of nuance that a person has in his/her analysis of other people is oftentimes a sign for me to stay as far away from that person as possible.
I am someone who can easily read other people. For instance, I know when someone is not necessarily a bad person but can’t help but dislike me for one reason or another, usually out of misplaced envy. (I say misplaced because, hey who are we kidding. Look at me, despite all my superior qualities, I have an equally if not longer list of flaws and a week-long litany of appalling life decisions.) Anyway, the objective part of me pities that person. The petty side of me, judges that person for failing to transform her envy into something healthy and productive like creating an action plan for self-improvement instead of staying in the envious zone. I am both empathic and judgmental. It is an odd combination.
